Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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