Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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