i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
