The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
