i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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