Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
