I'm going to jail i love you
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize
