Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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