My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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