my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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