i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
