nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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