This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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