drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
