whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
