Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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