You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
