when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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