You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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