she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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