Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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