I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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