what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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