I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
