I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
