The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
