Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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