But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You pole danced in your parka.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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