ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
