I'm lost and stupid without you.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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