one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I wish there were birth control emojis
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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