Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
