I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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