Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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