My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
