Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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