see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
