either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
