Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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