I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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