3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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