it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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