well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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