Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
