The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Found the puke drawer
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
