About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
