porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
