I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
