if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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