it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
