Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
