I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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