Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
