it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
