I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
