DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
