they need to just BURY HIM!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
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OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
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Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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