i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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