I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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