and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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