My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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