Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
