and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
