i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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