He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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