More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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