This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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