Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
