He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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