no. you can't hotbox the world.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
this hospital has no fireball
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
