Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
