ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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