i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
